Healing

Sometimes being an ICU nurse can be really sad. We always see the worst case scenario, and very few of our patients return to their previous quality of life. Which can make one tend to wonder what is it all for? It can feel like running in quick sand.

But then sometimes a patient that you thought would never leave the hospital alive walks into the unit to thank people that she cannot even remember for saving her life. It isn't the thank you that makes this story special it is the walking and smiling part. That alone gives me enough hope to keep doing this job for another five years.

Happiness is.....

in the small moments. Today while I was running an elderly man saw me from his garden, smiled and yelled, "Keep going you can do it!!" That is the closest that I have ever come to kissing a stranger (ok first lie, but the last time that I kissed a stranger I was drunk and 22 so it must be forgiven and stricken from the record). I was on mile 7 of 8.5 and not loving it. But after the encouragement of the morning gardener I found some extra pep in my step and continued merrily on my way.

Then later I took my four year old daughter to run errands with me. She has developed a fondness for the music of ABBA, I have no idea how it happened (second blatant lie, I did it, I fostered her love of Dancing Queen, Mamma Mia, etc. but their music is so damn happy how could you not love it?). Anyways we were riding in the car on this beautiful sunny day singing at the top of our lungs and I felt it, complete euphoria. There is nothing like being a Mom, even on the hardest days it is amazing and sweet.

I continue to work on a sweater for my Dad's birthday present. I think that the monotony of a man's sweater may be slowly killing me. I am so tired of knitting it that I almost allowed a known mistake to remain. Thankfully I came to my senses, got my act together, ripped out the little sucker that was causing me so much mental strife and have continued on my way. I think that I am going to have to cheat on knitting with sewing, just a little bit to preserve what sanity and love for the craft I have left.

I am reading the book Run by Ann Patchett. I am about 70 pages in and it is amazing! It has been a long time since I have been able to read a book of my choosing for pleasure. I still feel like I am going to find out that I have a looming assignment that I have forgotten about, a fear that will probably persist until I get my diploma in the mail.

Hope that everyone is enjoying their Sunday before the weekdays grab hold of us all again! I am off to get into some trouble............trouble of the crafty kind!

Check that off the list

The last couple of weeks have been pretty hectic for me. I finally finished my bachelor's degree in nursing. I have been a nurse for 7 years now, the first three as an LPN and the latter 4 as an RN. The end of my college career has been fairly anticlimactic, I am already working as an RN, and since I finished my degree online and approximately 600 miles away from the college I won't be participating in graduation. The best part is though, that I am no longer writing essays (or feeling guilty for procrastinating the writing of essays). This has given me some freedom that I haven't had in a long time. It is amazing the energy that I have found in the wake of graduation. I was able to weed and till my garden finally (my very first garden....really hoping that it turns out!) and am enjoying not feeling like a zombie Mom.

I also finished my first lace knitting project. I have taught myself how to knit using only the internet as my tutor. This has led to some ugly knitting moments but also a huge sense of accomplishments when I tackle something and am successful at it. Now that I have the lace bug I may not be able to stop.

Last weekend I ran the Montana Women's race. It was awesome. I did the fastest 5 miles that I have ever done. There is something about being at a race and surrounded by other runners that always tugs at my heart. And there is something about seeing morons standing at the sidelines smoking that makes me irate. But I choose to not digress.

The most important thing that happened in the last few weeks was my daughter's fourth birthday. It seems completely impossible that this little blonde happy go lucky child is the baby that I held in my arms four years ago. I catch myself looking at her in amazement. I now understand what my mom meant when she used to say that we would always be her babies. There are moments when I want to swaddle Charlotte up in a blanket and hold her close as long as she will let me, which would not be long. It seems as though the ADHD is in the genes, I just need to teach her to channel it. I see knitting lessons in our future.