Running

Last weekend I ran a half marathon with two of my sisters, and it was amazing. Not only do I get the privilege of sharing the same gene pool with these two beautiful women but I also got to cross a finish line with them.

What does one think about while they are out running for nearly 2 hours? Everything. My mind tends to wander into the strangest places while I am running. I am pretty sure that I discovered the solution for world peace while I was out there....at the very least I remembered that I can do ANYTHING that I want to. ANYTHING. And so can you.

Healing

Sometimes being an ICU nurse can be really sad. We always see the worst case scenario, and very few of our patients return to their previous quality of life. Which can make one tend to wonder what is it all for? It can feel like running in quick sand.

But then sometimes a patient that you thought would never leave the hospital alive walks into the unit to thank people that she cannot even remember for saving her life. It isn't the thank you that makes this story special it is the walking and smiling part. That alone gives me enough hope to keep doing this job for another five years.

Happiness is.....

in the small moments. Today while I was running an elderly man saw me from his garden, smiled and yelled, "Keep going you can do it!!" That is the closest that I have ever come to kissing a stranger (ok first lie, but the last time that I kissed a stranger I was drunk and 22 so it must be forgiven and stricken from the record). I was on mile 7 of 8.5 and not loving it. But after the encouragement of the morning gardener I found some extra pep in my step and continued merrily on my way.

Then later I took my four year old daughter to run errands with me. She has developed a fondness for the music of ABBA, I have no idea how it happened (second blatant lie, I did it, I fostered her love of Dancing Queen, Mamma Mia, etc. but their music is so damn happy how could you not love it?). Anyways we were riding in the car on this beautiful sunny day singing at the top of our lungs and I felt it, complete euphoria. There is nothing like being a Mom, even on the hardest days it is amazing and sweet.

I continue to work on a sweater for my Dad's birthday present. I think that the monotony of a man's sweater may be slowly killing me. I am so tired of knitting it that I almost allowed a known mistake to remain. Thankfully I came to my senses, got my act together, ripped out the little sucker that was causing me so much mental strife and have continued on my way. I think that I am going to have to cheat on knitting with sewing, just a little bit to preserve what sanity and love for the craft I have left.

I am reading the book Run by Ann Patchett. I am about 70 pages in and it is amazing! It has been a long time since I have been able to read a book of my choosing for pleasure. I still feel like I am going to find out that I have a looming assignment that I have forgotten about, a fear that will probably persist until I get my diploma in the mail.

Hope that everyone is enjoying their Sunday before the weekdays grab hold of us all again! I am off to get into some trouble............trouble of the crafty kind!

Check that off the list

The last couple of weeks have been pretty hectic for me. I finally finished my bachelor's degree in nursing. I have been a nurse for 7 years now, the first three as an LPN and the latter 4 as an RN. The end of my college career has been fairly anticlimactic, I am already working as an RN, and since I finished my degree online and approximately 600 miles away from the college I won't be participating in graduation. The best part is though, that I am no longer writing essays (or feeling guilty for procrastinating the writing of essays). This has given me some freedom that I haven't had in a long time. It is amazing the energy that I have found in the wake of graduation. I was able to weed and till my garden finally (my very first garden....really hoping that it turns out!) and am enjoying not feeling like a zombie Mom.

I also finished my first lace knitting project. I have taught myself how to knit using only the internet as my tutor. This has led to some ugly knitting moments but also a huge sense of accomplishments when I tackle something and am successful at it. Now that I have the lace bug I may not be able to stop.

Last weekend I ran the Montana Women's race. It was awesome. I did the fastest 5 miles that I have ever done. There is something about being at a race and surrounded by other runners that always tugs at my heart. And there is something about seeing morons standing at the sidelines smoking that makes me irate. But I choose to not digress.

The most important thing that happened in the last few weeks was my daughter's fourth birthday. It seems completely impossible that this little blonde happy go lucky child is the baby that I held in my arms four years ago. I catch myself looking at her in amazement. I now understand what my mom meant when she used to say that we would always be her babies. There are moments when I want to swaddle Charlotte up in a blanket and hold her close as long as she will let me, which would not be long. It seems as though the ADHD is in the genes, I just need to teach her to channel it. I see knitting lessons in our future.

Out comes the sun!

It is amazing what a little thing like a change in the weather can do for your disposition. The long winter appears to be making its exit and for the first time in months the roof is icicle free. I have been lucky enough to have the opportunity to strap on my running shoes and head outside which reaffirmed my love for running just as the long runs on the treadmill had begun to tarnish it. Outside in the fresh air with my IPOD the world is looking like a friendlier place.

My babies too are grateful for the warmer days. They have already been out to inspect every muddy corner of the yard, and have each of their amazing discoveries breathless with excitement. We are going to try to have a vegetable garden for the very first time. Charlotte has been helping me nurture my little seedlings which are thriving on our back (indoor) porch. Everyday we check on them and tell them nice things so that they will grow big for us this summer!

I have decided to attempt a lace project. The beginning did not go very well, there were some harsh words spoken and more than once needles were thrown hastily into my knitting bag with force (take that yarn and sticks!). But now all is well and with a successful swatch in hand I am waiting for my first hanks of malabrigo yarn to arrive. I have been dying to try malabrigo ever since I started listening to the Knitmore girls, those ladies cannot get enough of it!

Alright that is enough blogging for now, mostly because I am using the blogging to avoid my homework which desperately needs to be done!

Home sickness

This last September my husband and I had to move our family from our home in southern Idaho to Montana. My husband was offered a great job in the economy that demands that you don't turn down jobs so we packed up our two little ones and our belongings and moved 10 hours by car from everyone that we loved and who loved us back. I would love to say that I am fearless and able to take all the change in stride, but I am not. Nearly six months after the move I am still heart broken.

The package looks great, we are renting a beautiful home in a beautiful neighborhood. And things have gotten easier along the way, I have made some amazing friends, and am waiting patiently for spring(ok not really patiently, I may beat up the next snow flake that I see) but no matter how bright my outlook I still cannot shake the desire to pack us up and move back home. No spring plan will ever be better than having my sisters over for dinner and watching them love my kids or heading over for the day to my grandparents house, or cleaning like mad while I wait for my parents to visit for the weekend.

I am not a person that can sit in uncertainty. I always have a plan, a list and a million things to do. There has never been a situation that when taken into my own hands that I couldn't fix. So right now while we try to decided how much homesickness is too much, and weigh the options (or lack thereof) I find myself in uncharted territory. I wish that there was a bandaid that I could apply to ease the ache, but am afraid that this wound runs too deep for such an easy fix. Home may be the only remedy that will suffice.

It is better to have worn and lost than to have never worn at all

So last week I finished this cardigan. Pretend that I am an aged (through the miracle of movie make-up) Richard Dreyfuss conducting a large orchestra because this sweater was my opus. It was very (very) cabled Autumn Vines Cardigan by Connie Chang Chinchio and loved it . Notice, my use of the past tense?
On my first day of wearing my cardigan to work I realized that it had been the victim of a chicken broth splashing (which is the lesser of the two evils that it suffered). I was pretty mellow about this little upset. After all, chicken broth washes out easily. So I put it into the laundry on a gentle cycle (cold) wash. When I went to take my little lovely out of the washer however I realized that my two year old had been playing with buttons and had turned the wash to warm. Voila! Felted cardigan. Ughhhh.
First I wash nauseous, almost tearful. Then I decided to do my next one in purple. That is the beauty of knitting, I made it so I can remake it. Probably even better than the first time. Take that fate! You just cannot hold a happy knitter down.